shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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