Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You need a sexual gate keeper
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
