u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
