it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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