Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
