ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
