if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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