why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
