Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
