Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
