We named our party play list daddy issues
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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