Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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