just tell him i said nine months
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
