do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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