I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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