found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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