Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
