brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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