I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
