My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
