Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
