Four minutes until I can fart!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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