He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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