thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
