a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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