yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
