you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
