I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
