I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
