What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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