So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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