i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
