Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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