he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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