just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
