why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
