You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
