yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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