I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
