You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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