i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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