i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
