you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
