Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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