We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
