Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
