I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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