Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So here I am, sexting at work.
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