I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
