After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
