but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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