saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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