We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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