I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
