I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
