OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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