wat bout pragnant strippers??
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
