he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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