There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
