hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
