So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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