don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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