Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
