i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
